dreamin.pink blog

my steno progress is going pretty well. went from like 4wpm to 15wpm within a few days, so i am making decent progress. i'm sure that i'll hit a plateau pretty quickly but for now it's going ok. still trying to find a way to get it ergonomic enough for me though.

i'm pretty excited bout the new job. it pays a little bit less than my old job but i think it's going to go well for me. just being able to help people all day, especially people who are having a hard time (people on food stamps, etc) is going to be more fulfilling to me than sitting in the "line drawing dungeon" all day and not having talked to anyone in two months. plus they're being flexible about e's appointments so that's good. big green flags everywhere.

i am kind of nervous bout the new job though, not gonna lie. what if i don't like it? what if they don't like me? so much anxiety. i want to try and stay here as long as i can, until i get certified for court reporting, that's my main priority.

i did get rejected from the dental position, thank god. it was going to be awkward if i had to turn it down. now it's just awkward on their end, not on my end! haha. i'm really glad i got an online position and not an in person position anyway, because we were planning on moving in a few years. it would have been stressful to know i'd have to find another job on top of a huge move like that.

ava is feeling better thankfully. we've just had her crated so she doesn't injure herself. i bought an expensive ass ramp for them to get up and down the couch, unfortunately it's just kinda required at this point because they're both getting so old and ava is a chiweenie so she's already awkwardly shaped.

so now i have all of next week to just be lazy guilt free. thing is, i'm running out of stuff to do. i've been playing the shit out of hello kitty island adventure, but i've pretty much 100%ed it by now except for a few really hard things, so not sure where to go from here. i did make my yearly doctors appointment just to get that out of the way, but other than that, not really much going on. going to try and relax.

really need to get an appointment with the new psych. the old one is super uncommunicative, and i need a refill on my meds. damn it. probably a few other things to do too, but can't really think of them for now.

...or better yet, like trying to find a car during COVID???

I got told by five people last week that they had sold their machines to other people and that they had been swamped with DMs. one of those people was someone who hasn't even posted publicly, it was just me being referred by someone who had sold their machine and had a coworker looking to sell! @_@

It's been an actual nightmare trying to find something. I managed to find one, but jeez...

I also had a really good interview. we will see how that goes. I haven't been having any trouble getting interviews, but I've been picky about where I'm applying so I'm getting less and less. which actually is a good thing because it's been crazy overloading.

I'll just paste what I wrote to E about the interview:

interview went really well. we ran out of time because both of us were talking a lot, that kind of how it ends up when you build rapport haha. the person i interviewed with is from a small town in western michigan, about 30 minutes north of where we were born and raised so we had that in common.

they actually are open to me being in either position (the customer service or the back office position), but they wanted to meet with me and talk to me about the realities of both positions.

they seem really nice and the work seems easy. they said they might need to schedule more time with me because there was supposed to be a mock call, but we didn't get to it because we both were asking each other a lot of questions and speaking with each other a lot/connecting.

i think if they don't give me an offer, it's because they genuinely feel that my personality wouldn't be a fit. I was very, very honest about our personality, in that I am the first ones to talk when there's an awkward pause during meetings of 20 people and the facilitator says "any questions?" and I am the type that gives a lot of feedback when I am fully trained and have mastered everything.

The interviewer also was like "we don't mind occasional attendance issues as long as you're really honest, I can help you out more, I really appreciate honesty" so i put that in the back of my mind and when she asked how I stayed on task, I was like, "well, this might be too much information, but I used to be really bad with this because I had unmedicated ADHD. I'm medicated now, so it's a lot easier, but I still have XYZ process to help me stay on task." just showing her that I am very honest in general. I was like, for better or worse, I am honest.

she asked "what are some times that you being late has affected your job performance?" and I was like, I wish I could tell you, but this has genuinely never been an issue with me, aha.

it was a huge green flag that they seemed open about accepting feedback though, as I honestly told them that that was something that we struggled with at my last position, where i felt like my feedback was hitting a brick wall a lot of times. I also told them that I struggled with a position where I am alone a lot, so in all truth, the customer service oriented position might be better for me. it seems like their other team, the back office one, has a lot of people like at merit... super introverted people who don't really want to interact, they just clock in, do their work, and clock out. whereas the customer service position has a lot more team camaraderie, people talk a lot more. the customer service position seems to have a bit more oversight, but that's just because the manager is more extroverted so reaches out more.

the back office position seems also a lot more like merit because they have flexible hours, whereas the customer service one, you're pretty much clocked in and then clocked out at the same time every day. I told them that I always clock in and clock out at the same time, I wasn't really the type that utilized the flexibility of the position unless there was some sort of medical issue happening, and then I let my manager know. whereas I know some people will clock in and clock out at very different times at merit as long as they're still within the window. we pretty much always have worked 10-6 without any variation.

also I tried to dictate this entry and talk about actual nightmare. Google's Android keyboard is literally broken for voice dictation lol.

ive been asking myself this a lot lately. like I could get into stenography and I would be super good at it, but I think it's socially isolated. I could go back to school to be a therapist, but that is a TON of schooling. both of those trade offs I'm okay with, but I am just having such a hard time committing to anything.

I accidentally ghosted an interview this week because I was so overloaded with everything going on. it's stressful to have done something like that :( I'm doing my best but everything is just all over the place...

Elias is doing really well w his medical treatments. I'm very happy 😍 I know it's really tough and tiring for him. it is that two hour appointment along with that four hour round trip drive twice a week, and then he insists on trying to work after, when the treatments themselves have been super intense and physically draining too haha.

he sent me a super nice message this morning telling me he appreciates me being willing to all this and how understanding I've been. but of course I am!! he needs medical treatment, the idea of not being there for him is so foreign to me. when he told me how intense it was going to be my response was just "no worries, put it on the calendar so I know when it is and let's do it" because he's the love of my life & my partner. there's very little I wouldn't do for him let alone something as simple as a long drive twice a week and a few hours of wait in between.

well, there's a lot of other stuff going on. I'm starting to get overwhelmed haha. the task for the weekend is to sit down and do the nearly hundred (!) page application for this job I applied to. they are asking me a lot of personal info, it feels kinda like when I got my top secret security clearance before. they asked me for 7-10 contact info of people I knew for character references, and I'm like, not me being disqualified from this job for being friendless 😭

I'll try to remember to post when I can. the days are starting to blur into each other, none of my interviews have been the perfect fit, and I'm just all over the place... ughhhh.

Dental interview tl;dr

• The dentist recognized me right away which is really funny. I must have some kind of way about me that people recognize me, because I haven't been back in like a little over a year. The front desk lady said that I have a really positive vibe and seem fun to be around so it makes sense to her.
• I interviewed with the practice manager whom I had already met before haha.
• Seems to have the same vibe as the vet industry. That is to say, sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's fast paced, doesn't pay well, but you are making a difference.
• There is some opportunity for advancement; they pay for you to become registered except for the exam fee. They also pay for all the classes for any follow up training if you want to get certified further.
• Interview mostly focused on like, how do you deal with stress, how do you deal with people being snippy. Which to me tells me that there can be stressful situations. She said it's fairly rare, but they do have really busy times of the year where everyone is burnt out.
• This is a small town, so there's only a few people working there. 2 at the front desk, 3 dental assistants, her (practice manager), and the dentist.
• She's only been working there two years, she got promoted to practice manager in less than a year.
• She said that there isn't a whole lot of turnover, and the people who do leave typically do so to continue schooling.
• She asked about my availability for a follow-up interview on Thursday because likely going to get an offer, just depends on whether or not I actually want to take it. I mean, it seems decent to me. Worst case scenario I go, oh my god, this is awful.
• I also set up a cleaning the day before hahaha. Unintentionally going to show them more on my attitude/behavior, but I just really needed to do it because it was overdue anyway.

Second interview tl;dr

• Was an MLM.
• Wasn't even a particularly successful one, considering I already know a lot about the cruise industry.
• No other notes.

so, pretty successful day for job interviews, if you ask me.

i had therapy today & we basically just talked about how I'm still overworking despite like, not actually actively being at work. i quit my job but now I'm 24/7 looking and applying for jobs. therapist said that i would do well to just set a timer on how long I can be looking for jobs and do it at a specific time of day so I'm not up at 3am looking for and applying to jobs. which yeah kinda. i mean whatever semblance of a schedule i had instantly disappeared the second i wasn't being forced to get up for a 9-5 & now i'm just constantly in "work" mode whether it be trying to find a job, doing chores, or whatever else.

the therapist is also going to send me some mental health exercises to do to try and get me into the habit of like, actually doing shit. she was trying to be like "what gets you excited about getting up in the morning?" and i'm like literally nothing :( i got the depression.

the psych is being awful and refusing to switch me off my current antidepressants that aren't working. last time i had an appt with her she gave the world's biggest sigh when i told her these weren't working and was like "well i'm not doing this anymore so I'm sending you genesight so we can have some kind of clarity on what will and won't work with you." like excuse me? yeah i'm also tired of my depression but try and keep your gigantic sighs to yourself. if you don't actually want to do your job then maybe change to a different profession.

therapist was like "go do ketamine" and i was (jokingly) like "yeah I'll go talk to the drug dealer down on the corner" and she was like "lmao nooo do it legally". i eventually do wanna do ketamine therapy but i can't at the moment (or any time soon) bc I would need a ride back and forth. it's like a 3 hr round trip to get to and from the closest ketamine therapy place & e doesn't drive so I'd need to figure out a way to deal w that. the only person I could think who could give me a ride is kendrick, and I love kendrick but i rlyyy do not want to be stuck in a car w him for an hour and a half while i'm ketamine tripping LMAO.

CVS is being so fucking dumb. we need to switch away from them. healthcare in this country is a shitshow so the closest "preferred" pharmacy is like a 2 hour round trip in that town with the CVS. so elias called and asked them if his meds were in. they said they were. so i did the 2 hour round trip and when i got there they were like "uh no we don't have it in, we don't even have it in our system" which i kinda assumed considering it wasn't available online but like? they are constantly doing this. plus they aren't doing the insurance verification for my T so like??? get your shit together CVS.

likely we are going to move our stuff over to walgreens bc this is a mess. plus CVS has some new thing with our new location that you can't even call & get a pharmacist on the phone anymore!!! like they only let you leave a voicemail no matter what time of day it is, and if ur lucky they will call you back in a timely manner and you'll catch their call. total shitshow. 0/10 they are not getting our money any longer lmao.

i'm doing my best to figure stuff out but it's been so hard lately. it's just... idk. everything is exhausting. how am i feeling even MORE burnt out after quitting my job??? i guess it's bc with my job I could clock in and out and be done for the day but now I feel like i'm constantly "on" with constantly job hunting and the like. i hope that i can find some kind of peace outside of that. the therapist said it was a pretty good opportunity for me to figure out what i actually want to be doing with my day that a lot of people don't get, and i agree. we are totally privileged in that way & i'm very grateful for that. but still, it's exhausting... ugh. me @ myself: get ur shit together please